"i am a pretty impossible lady to be with...". that was kimya sang on "Tire Swing".
and yet, i feel that way too.
i have an ugly enormousness needs of affection, and big big will to share it.
especially for someone i love, and someone who DID say he loves me.
but things are not going both way. i happen to find myself pushing so much across the line of my capacity. i was forced to accept the situation i don't think i'd be dealing with.
i am pretty fucked up, now. in between of tired swingin' around, but not ready to lose.
im about to give up, but looking back what i've been thru. it hurts. really is.
knowing that im all alone, under-appreciated, mis-treated and denial fed of how many times i've done my stupidity. this isn't easy for me. i have this photographic memory of a sight that i'd never imagine it would happened in real life. my life.
he's the centerpiece of mylife. i know it'd probably too soon to say that, but it is.
andru says that, i should learn to take ease. but it's not easy. and i am willing to try...
but i guess, time is not my friend anymore.
in fact, everything is not my friend anymore.
this is what to deal. i need to keep looking at lioness watch, then close my eyes and take deep breath... feel them whisper "time for cure"