breath in..breath out

this is it. this is my low. fell so dull.
i think i might need a new spirit. a whole boldly new spirit.
the work *sigh* so frustrating and suffocating. each day, i put more and more names on the list to be murdered. and that's obviously no good news. especially those two crack heads (u know who u are)

it tick-tock-ing until the big day. so far, things still tentatives are just hamper cakes and catering. oh, and rendi's wardrobe.
ah, speaking of him. i dont know. he's been acting a bit...a slightly colder. it seem that our last fight still mark. it seems that i have (once again) crossed his fatal-limit, and takes time to recover.

god, what if it's just the matter of time before he cancel out engagement? what if he finally realize proposing me was a mistake, and he had made a wrong decision? what if he handed the ring and say "u get to keep it..".
but i dont want if we go on, just because we have prepared all this stuff. my god.
what should i do? should i ask him again? should i open a big-time serious forum?
what if I'm wrong? what if it's just me?

he say he's still there for me, yesterday. i even remembered he say he still loves me. he even answer back to my 'woof-woof'.

i need a sleep.