this could be the saddest and most gruesome post I've ever written my have-to-be-happy-happy-page of weatherlike-life. because, my friend, these are my...fears.
1. Being cheated on.
yea, i am a type of 'Romeo-Juliette'-ish type of person that innocently and gullibly thinks 'love conquers all'. yeah. go ahead. snort your pants off, punks.
been there done it, though. it sucks!!!! and just right that moment, i realize i have some sort of photographic memory, it was just gettin me even better, and better. ha!
but after all these shitty thing slammed-down on my face (twice!), i amazingly still thought of that! my butt still grasp on the thoughts of loyalty and singular affection is the one that works. no matter how loud someone could yell on my ears till it bleeds, or how hard u crush me onto the wall, not even until i splat my brain all over the places, i'd say "move ahead, poly! I'm loyal and loving, to whom ever bounce me back!" AMEN!
nothing kills me than being ditched. look im no selfish all the time, really. i could easily understand. if i dont, make me! dont leave me. or else, i'll rag you with 1000times of annoyance.
i'm a puppy (in today's term, they call it childish bitch), i play reward and punishments. that's it, that's all i can say
this case if i did wrong. i want u to holla back!!!!
i say this as a dyingtobe-motherhood. hell with the father. if i could, i'd jump up the plane and go to State, flipping catalogues of yummy daddy-tobe extract injected to my vag, and voila! baby in my uterus! i know it won't be that easy like a-b-c, here goes the baby. but its just that doing it in regular procedure cost too much! time, tears, heart pieces...
i wanna be a mommy. i wanna have my own kid. i dont even care about doing it with a daddy, or just grap someone's kid to be nurtured and invested her/him (most likely her) that i'm her biologic mom!
5. this fishy bulge on my neck.
last nite, i stood front of mirror, taking a deeply loon on my muck. when i touch (barely turn u on. touching myself = turn u on, get it) and i felt ache on my neck. feels like bruise and it..bulge! my god,. i was freaked out. tought that i was going to end up on hospital with doctors holding slicers, shaking their head, telling that, 'she'll not going to make it'. ANYWAY, all the way, i think this is a tumor! think that this is the one that god bestow to send me to....
i know it's unbearable, and undeniable. what's born will be dead. we all do. like wiseman named ron 'myfuturehusband' sang, "and when it's done, god takes everyone". but, i wonder if it's just me, or does everybody thinks "what if i'm dead? are people going to be sad?"